The 'U Curve' of happiness - a reflection from the bottom of the curve.

...and how the idea of a mid-life crisis may not be helpful.

Readers of this newsletter, will know that I am interested in the beliefs that I hold about ageing and in investigating where these beliefs come from, often dipping in the psychology literature to get some insight.

My hope is that these investigations can start to undo some of the normalisation of ageist ideas and beliefs so that we can, in full awareness, start to re-shape the narrative to a more nuanced and dare I say, ‘positive’ one.

One of these commonly held ideas about getting older is the ‘mid'-life’ crisis, the period in our lifespan where we hit the bottom bit of the so called: U-curve of happiness.

The bottom of the U-curve is aligned to the chronological age of 40 - 60. The theory goes that we are happiest in our youth and because of emotional maturation we are happier again, as we move into old age.

The idea of the U-curve has been floating around for a while, and it’s compellingly neat and symmetrical.

So at age 56, being at the bottom of this U-curve resonated with my inner ageist who has been dealing with a volley of new and disturbing thoughts and beliefs about getting older, which have been emerging and getting louder since about my late 40s.

These include:

1. Thoughts about my face and body changing (see my post ‘Why I call myself the Ageing Psychologist’ and the ‘shame of a turkey neck’)

2. Experiences and feelings of invisibility and the endless inner chatter about what that all means… (see point 1 above)

3. A new and unwelcome feeling of sadness, an overlay of nostalgia on most memories of bringing up my kids and ‘the past’ and the belief that my best years are ‘behind me’ (see points 1-3 above)

4. And yes the perception of a shrinking time horizon and some ‘what’s the point’ thinking (see especially points 1 and 2)

5. A sense of ‘is this it?' which I think is proxy for boredom (see points 1-4 above which adds fuel for staying stuck).

6. Watching people I love get older and unwell (my mother-in-law who has dementia) fuelling a sad ‘realisation’ about the ‘reality’ of ageing (see point 3 above)

7. Over my 56 years, I’ve launched myself at a few new projects and life changes (i.e., re-training to be a psychologist in my thirties through to my fifties) I know how long things actually take and the effort required and I get big doses of ‘can’t be arsed’.

All against a backdrop of menopause induced insomnia, low mood, joint stiffness and dry skin.

As such, I can identify with being at the bottom of the U-Curve.

However, the science that has supported this U-Curve is being questioned and it made me wonder how helpful it really is having the concept of a mid-life crisis is to me as I age.

Galambos et al. (2020)[1] reviewed the evidence for the U-curve and found a pretty mixed bag. They pulled it apart on methodological grounds: some data showed the classic dip. But much didn’t. Some people stayed steady throughout adulthood, some even improved in midlife, and others followed different patterns entirely.

It’s not that the U-curve is wrong, it is just data that tells a story of the human lifespan based on asking lots of people questions about how happy they are (or proxys for this which include Life Satisfaction and Subjective Well-Being).

The question for me is: does this midlife-dip narrative actually help me or does it reinforce some of the very ageist beliefs that make life miserable.

It made me realise that while I’ve been busy identifying with this ‘bottom of the curve’ feeling, I might also be reinforcing an unhelpful story. One that says midlife is meant to feel like a crisis.

More importantly though, maybe it hides from me that the crisis only exists because I live in an ageist culture, one where clocking up the chronological years is experienced as a time of being devalued, made invisible, and shamed for showing the signs of ageing.

As I head into midlife and I start to notice the visible signs of ageing, no wonder I feel crap.

Here’s a thought: What if we greeted the signs of ageing and each birthday with glee and excitement?

What if menopause was greeted with the same celebratory zeal we reserve for other life transitions: the baby shower, the 21st birthday; marriage etc.

I think the curve would flatten.

So I’m not so much disagreeing with the data itself - there may be something in the emotional maturation argument - but take issue with how the idea of a midlife dip has been taken up culturally.

It’s been normalized to the point of inevitability: in midlife, your happiness plummets, that’s just how it is.

This is ageism.

AND.. it quietly hides perhaps the reasons we might feel low; the increase in ageist messages in our ageist culture and the weight of the internalised ageism as it gets heavier and heavier.

And the upward curve in later life? it looks like a happy ending but is also a bit patronising. It paints older people as serene, wise, and content, flattening out the complexity of ageing, and turning later life into a kind of feel-good consolation prize:

“Yes, you’re old, but at least you’re calm about it now.” The U-curve reinforcing some ageist tropes about old=wise, old=benign?

So perhaps instead of clinging to the U-curve to help us understand mid-life, we get curious.

As Stevie Nicks so plaintively put it:

“Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?”

Can I just be middle-aged?

Not fix it. Not fast-forward through it. But actually be in it without the weight of ageism?

Awareness of our inner ageist, its narratives and where it gets its ideas from has to the be a good first step?

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[1] Galambos NL, Krahn HJ, Johnson MD, Lachman ME. The U Shape of Happiness Across the Life Course: Expanding the Discussion. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2020 Jul;15(4):898-912. doi: 10.1177/1745691620902428. Epub 2020 May 6. PMID: 32375015; PMCID: PMC7529452.

Why I call myself The Ageing Psychologist