Rise of the Queenagers

- identity, words and ageing.

I honestly think my hair would set on fire if I overheard someone refer to me as ‘the elderly lady’. The descriptor ‘old’ also feels very uncomfortable, conjuring up images of frailty and dependency.

Full disclosure. Before my inner ageist began to notice that I was actually getting older/ageing, I would freely refer to people as elderly. My PhD is titled: “Psychological Strengths and Well-being in the Well-Elderly”. At aged 42, I undertook the research interviews for the PhD, seeking the views and experiences of people aged between 65-85 who considered themselves to be ageing well.

My first interviewee was a woman in her mid-70s. After the interview, I was packing up to leave. She said that whilst she’d enjoyed the interview, there was just one thing she was struggling with. She said “I don’t care what word you put in front of ‘elderly’ I don’t like it, it doesn’t describe me”.

I unpacked my bag. And we spent the next hour or so in a spirited discussion about what words were better?

When all we could come up with was ‘a well-ripened pear’, I knew language might well be a problem.

Ask yourself now, what words do you have that you will happily inhabit to describe your later years? Like me and my study participant, I guessing you are struggling?

If we only have words to describe ageing that are heavy with associations of frailty and dependence then no wonder we might find ageing a difficult identity to inhabit?

The rise of the Queenager….

I am pleased to report that currently there are a number of people interested in finding new words to describe getting old. Sharon Blackie tackles this in her book ‘Hagitude’¹ and argues for a re-purposing of Crone and Hag for the modern ageing woman. I am less keen on these but some friends find them empowering.

Whereas I like: Queenager², it feels a bit more fun and intriguing. I also like Middlescent (Middlescence³) to describe a phase of life a bit like being adolescent. Because in mid-life we too experience a little hormonal turbulence. It also hints at that the years post 50 might be a time of new horizons rather than a rather bleak chasm of 20 or so years stretching out towards the End.

I’d love to know any of any descriptors that you like? Ones that tell a different story of who we can become.

[btw to date, ‘well-ripened pear’ isn’t appearing in any Instagram feeds but feel free to have it if you like it…]

1. Sharon Blackie - Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life,

2. Eleanor Mills - https://noon.org.uk/meet-the-queenagers-executive-summary

3. Barbara Waxman - https://middlescence.co/